Expose (v) - to make visible by uncovering it; reveal the true, objectionable nature of someone/something Exposure (n) - the revelation of an identity or fact, especially one that is concealed Throughout my 15 weeks as an intern at Elevation Church, I got a lot of exposure to the way things are run. Although I was in an environment where I was learning, observing and absorbing so much, the greatest exposure I got was exposure to myself. As the weeks went on, I recognized that God was doing a lot of deep work in my heart and, looking back at all my notes, I’m now seeing just how much God did in me through it all.
One of the things we got to do as interns was prepare a 7-minute teaching for our intern class (plus some staff members) and mine was scheduled very early on in the internship. At first I thought being in the first group of interns was a gift because I could get it out of the way and not have other teachings to compare mine to, but now I see that God used my teaching preparation as a time to show me His purpose in having me step into this season. Challenging myself to make it personal, I asked God to reveal what He was teaching me in that season and that would become what I’d share with everyone else. When I asked, He answered and He answered with a lot more than I expected so, with more content than I could fit into 7 minutes, in the time leading up to my teaching, I must have reworked the entire essence of it all at least 8 times. What’s clear now is that some of what God spoke at that time was just for me so it took a while before I sorted out what was mine to process and what was meant to be shared during my teaching. Now that I’ve had a few months to work through what God was teaching me, I’ve challenged myself to share it because what God does in your life and what He teaches you is never meant for you to hold onto forever, and it would be selfish for me to keep all of this to myself. I’ll be spending more time breaking down the lessons I learned throughout the internship but for now, here are some of the things I wrote down in my initial preparation for my teaching:
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The quote on my high school graduation cards was “be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire”. About a year and a half later, I found a canvas with the quote “once you become fearless, life becomes limitless”. I loved that quote enough to buy the canvas and hung it next to my mirror as a daily reminder that, with Christ, I have no reason to fear. Last week I sat down to consider decorating my college graduation cap when I came across the quote “I am fearless because He is faithful”. While the connection seems obvious now, for me these three events occurred across quite a bit of time so they were all separate events in my mind until graduation day.
As I sat there among all my fellow graduating Lopes, I found myself thinking back on my whole journey at GCU. The night before freshman move in day, I decided to embrace my graduation card quote and promised God that whoever He wanted me to be and whatever He wanted me to do, I would forget the fear and go for it. That promise is what opened my heart up to apply for GCU’s Streetlight ministry team, the beginning of my journey to Free to Hope. From there, prayerfully sticking to my promise, I embraced the vision of Free to Hope and wrestled with fear on a level I’ve never experienced before. It was as I wrestled with these fears that I came across the canvas. As cliche as it might sound, seeing that canvas when I did was an encouragement from God to keep pushing through the fear so that I can experience the abundance of favor, blessings, and joy on the other side. It was around that time that I also heard Elevation Worship’s new song “Here Again” for the first time and I may have to do a whole separate post about how much of an encouragement that song has been for me. Keeping the words of that quote and the lyrics of “Here Again” constantly in the back of my mind for months, the fear eventually subsided and I found myself with a peaceful confidence unlike anything I’ve ever known. When I saw that last quote on Pinterest about fearlessness, I didn’t necessarily have a specific reason at the time for choosing it for my graduation cap. But, sitting there in the arena thinking back on my two and a half years at GCU, I realized how perfect of a tribute it was to close out my time there. Those two and a half years were my journey from fear to faith and God taught me more about Him, myself, and who I am in Him than I could have ever anticipated. With that, I am ecstatic to see what He has for me in this next season! Even after being home for over a month, I still find myself largely at a loss for words that I feel would adequately describe my trip to Thailand and Cambodia. The more I think about how to sum up what I saw and experienced there, the more I’m drawn back to our team song, “So Will I” by Hillsong. We proudly wore the phrase on our t shirts as we traveled and I often thought about how much power and meaning was in each of the verses and lines. So, instead of relying on my own words to share some of my biggest takeaways from the trip, I’ve broken it up based on some of the lyrics from the song. “If the stars were made to worship, so will I” At the rescue home in Cambodia, we got to see the girls lift their voices to worship their Good Father. Though we didn’t understand a word of what they were singing, it was impossible to not feel their authenticity and passion with every word they sang. As I looked around at the girls praising Jesus with eyes closed, hands lifted and hearts surrendered, I was quickly convicted of the many times I, for one reason or another, find myself mindlessly singing along to worship songs without giving much attention to the power behind the words I’m declaring. We were literally created to worship and praising God is so much more powerful than we often realize. Each of those beautifully strong girls truly exemplified the song “Heart of Worship” and shed a new light on Hebrews 12:28-29 ~ “Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshipping Him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire” (NLT). “If the rocks cry out in silence, so will I” In Luke chapter 19, Jesus’ followers began shouting praises to God for the miracles and amazing things they had seen so the Pharisees urged Jesus to rebuke them for their praises. Jesus replied by telling them that, if the people won’t declare the greatness of God, the rocks will. With this in mind, I naturally link this song lyric to that passage in Luke however, God put a new meaning on my heart in Thailand. To quote William Wilberforce, “let it not be said that I was silent when they needed me”. By choosing to be silent about the evils of trafficking, especially after everything I’ve seen, I would be choosing to allow that evil to continue. But by choosing to be voice for the voiceless and fight for their freedom, I’m giving God a platform to show up in the middle of the darkness, show off His power and display His redemptive, fiercely loving heart. “If You left the grave behind you, so will I” Leaving the rescue and prevention homes, our team couldn’t help but comment on the joy, love and strength we saw. The very first night of our trip we walked through a red light district and faced the harsh reality of the world these precious girls were trapped in. To go from witnessing the brokenness, hopelessness and darkness of their past to seeing those girls now walking in strength and dignity, claiming a new identity in their Savior is one of the most inspiring testimonies of freedom I’ve ever seen. Not only are they physically free, they are stepping into the mental, emotional and spiritual freedom Christ calls us all to. If they can follow the example Jesus set when He left the grave behind Him after everything they’ve been through, what’s holding me back from walking in freedom as well?! “If You gave Your life to love them, so will I” “Speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable (CEB). Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice (NLT)” - Proverbs 31:8-9. I spent 14 days intentionally praying and preparing my heart as much as I could for this trip because not only did I know that it would be an emotionally heavy and spiritually challenging experience, something in me knew that it was only the beginning of something big. “So Will I” ends with “I can see Your heart 8 billion different ways. Every precious one, a child You died to save. If You gave Your life to love them, so will I; like You would again 100 billion times. But what measure could amount to Your design? You’re the One who never leaves the one behind”. I’ve repeated those lines over and over since coming back from the trip, recognizing that I’ve been called to fight. Jesus suffered and died to set us free and now, I will use my freedom and voice to fight for theirs, however God calls me to do it because, if He gladly chose surrender, so will I. “I heard a story about 2 farmers who desperately needed rain and both of them prayed for rain but only one of them went out and prepared his field to receive it. Which one do you think trusted God to send the rain?… Which one are you? God will send the rain when He’s ready. You need to prepare your field to receive it.” - Mr. Bridges, Facing the Giants “Get ready; be prepared! Keep all the armies around you mobilized, and take command of them” - Ezekiel 38:7 (NLT) Free to Hope came out strong with 40 days of testimonies, stories and messages. Not too long afterward that, things progressed further with the Free to Hope Galentine’s Day Celebration event. After that though, God started doing a lot behind the scenes which has honestly been pretty frustrating for me. As a visionary, I have numerous ideas and plans written out for Free to Hope and the list gets longer every week but I haven’t felt the “all clear” from God to actually pursue any of them… YET. Instead, God’s had me work on things like finalizing the website, defining, expanding and redefining the heart and vision behind the movement, ordering business cards, etc. Meanwhile, the enemy stayed persistent in his attacks, coming at me from several different and new angles. I would love to say that it didn’t shake me or slow me down but, truth be told, I struggled keeping my hope alive. One night, frustrated with the lack of visible/“announce-able” progress and tired of the constant internal battles, I simply sat in silence for a while, refusing to pray more, read any more verses or listen to another minute of worship music since none of that seemed to be working. Moments later, lyrics from the bridge of a new Elevation Worship song (not officially released yet) got stuck in my head, replaying over and over and over again. “Before the world began, it wasn’t spoken yet You were still God, and You are still God After Your final breath, it wasn’t over yet You were still God, and You are still God No weapon formed against has stopped Your promises You were still God, and You are still God” The first two lines reminded me that God’s had His hands on this whole movement/ministry long before He put it on my heart. The middle two lines reminded me that nothing’s truly over until God says it’s over. And the last two lines served as a reminder that the enemy can try whatever weapons, attacks and strategies he wants but, as long as I continue leaning on God, trusting His process, and living to honor Him through it all, He will honor His promises and do what only He can do. He is still God! After my focus was adjusted, I regained my confidence in who God is and was then able to realize the importance of all the small things. God is preparing to send rain and I need to be ready to physically receive it, mentally process it and spiritually steward it. When the rain does come, you'll know and, at that time, Free to Hope Ministries and I will be ready to ride that wave wherever it takes us. “Impossibility remains no longer when You speak and now You’re near. You are with us.” How well do you handle it when God completely derails your plans at the last minute, leaving you feeling rushed and stressed to develop a new vision? In this case, I didn’t handle it as well as I could or should have but, not that it justifies my frustration at all, I had spent considerable time planning, shopping and praying over the initial vision and was devastated to learn that things wouldn’t work out the way I had hoped. In the end though, as He always does, God worked things out and orchestrated it all to bring Him greater glory and bless a greater number of people which is the ultimate goal.
Originally, the Free to Hope Galentine’s Celebration was a brunch event designed to tremendously bless the girls at StreetlightUSA with a smorgasbord of breakfast foods, a few desserts, some fun games and cute prizes for them to take in remembrance of the extraordinary evening. Lots of excited planning led up to the weekend of the event. Thursday was shopping day so I went out and bought all the food, supplies, and decorations needed. Friday was going to be cooking/prep day but, instead, I woke up to an email explaining that, as a volunteer, I was not allowed to make food for the girls and, anything that I purchased to bring would have to be healthy snacks. Only one day before the event, I suddenly had to think of a Plan B. Since I felt like anything outside of the initial plan would be good but not great and I was raised to do all things with excellence, I thought about canceling the whole event. However, I had already told the girls I would be there so I wasn’t willing to let them down completely. As event time got closer, I got more and more stressed trying to come up with an alternative activity. In the midst of my tears, prayers and worrying, God gave me the idea to do homeless care packages with the girls. While I thought the idea was really cute, I didn’t know how the girls would like it but, with no other ideas, I went and bought an abundance of snacks and treats to go into gallon-sized bags with cards and lots of fun markers for the girls to write encouragements too. Worrying about how the girls would handle the disappointment of me not having the pancake bar and fun foods I told them about, I shared the bad news and quickly followed that with the plan for making homeless care packages together. To my surprise, they were all on board, took it seriously and made a lot more bags than I expected them to want to. Afterwards, we played some games and I brought in more prizes than they knew what to do with. At the beginning of the event, I explained to them a little bit about Free to Hope Ministries and, at the end I showed them the t shirts to explain what it meant whenever they saw me wearing that shirt. Surprising me yet again, all of them, including their staff on duty, wanted one without me even asking! Fortunately, I had 2 boxes of them in my car so I was able to bless each of them with a free shirt! They each walked away with fun memories, cool prizes, a Free to Hope shirt and the unmatched feeling that comes with being able to bless someone else and I walked away with about 60 bags for the homeless and the feeling of accomplishment that, despite the stress, it all worked out so well! When my initial idea was shot down at the last minute, I told God multiple times that I didn’t want to do the event anymore for several good reasons. I mainly didn’t want to let the girls down and didn’t want to let myself down when the event didn’t turn out as spectacular as I imagined it. Of course, when I was forced to let go of my vision and humble myself in submission to God’s plan, everything turned out way more incredible than anything I could’ve planned on my own! Mid-October 2017 was when God got the ball rolling in my heart for Free to Hope but, at that point, I didn’t have a name for it, nor did I have any ideas or steps for moving forward. All I had was a very sudden, overwhelming passion with which I knew I needed to do something. Before answering my question about what my first step should be, God took me through a 2-week season of radical confirmations to make it clear that “this is the moment for which you were created” (Esther 4:14). Then, in November, as I was in finance class, He suddenly gave me specific instructions for step one. So I stopped taking notes for a few minutes to write it all down.
The goal was to kick off Free to Hope with testimonies and stories of freedom, hope and Jesus’ power while advertising the shirt design God gave me, allowing others to then order one as well. The last thing I wanted was to do yet another t shirt fundraiser (which I told God several times when He first put a design on my heart) but, by doing things God's way, it was less about the money or fundraising and more about people's stories and the Free to Hope movement as a whole. I decided to shoot for 13 to 25 people for this first step but, in reality, my goal was really just 13 because I was scared to hope for getting 25. I have never liked asking for help so, of course, God challenged me with an assignment requiring me to reach out to people and ask them to join me in a journey full of unknowns. I started out asking God what I would do if it didn't work out. “What if I don’t even get 13 people and this whole thing falls apart before it even gets started?” My mom kept telling me to dream bigger but, to me, that just meant being willing to shoot for 25. God initially gave me a list of 25 people to reach out to and over time, He put more and more people on my heart, a few at a time, to reach out to also, so I got 13 people without any trouble. Before I knew it, 13 turned into 25 which quickly grew to 30 and, in a matter of 2 days, 30 became 40. Looking back, it’s crazy that I was so afraid I wouldn’t get the bare minimum support needed to move forward with this project after 2 weeks of God continuously confirming that He's been strategically planning this moment for years. I was stuck in a mindset of “God did His part in giving me the vision and idea, now it’s my turn to make it happen” rather than surrendering all of it into His hands. From the t shirt company delaying the project start to weather-related package delivery delays to adjusting the schedule countless times when people missed their deadlines, I struggled with a lot of stress and frustration throughout this first step of the Free to Hope movement. Despite the struggle though, I was still constantly overwhelmed by God’s grace and favor through it all and encouraged beyond words by people’s excitement and dedication to prayer over me and the project. It's crazy to think that this is only the beginning! If Step 1 is any indication of what to expect moving forward, I think it’s safe to say that things are about to get pretty epic! |